Preschool Open House Shit Show

I’m writing this about a year later because I don’t want to forget how great this story is.

I remember it vividly.  It was orientation for Kenzie’s first year of preschool.  It was a Wednesday evening.  My husband and I both worked full days while the girls were at Mary’s.  We got Noodles & Company for dinner and went to my mom’s to eat (she lives very close to the preschool/ my work/ Mary’s house).  We had about 45 minutes to eat and head to her school (I wanted to get there a little early).

I knew Kenzie was going to be shy.  I was prepared for that.  But I was not prepared for what would happen next.

They have you in this holding area in the basement before they open the doors to let you in.  Picture this:  Families with their kids (and babies) all scrunched into a hallway/ stairs waiting to get in.  My anxiety was already up there, but that did me in.

They finally let us in, and they explain where each class should go (they have both 3 year old and 4 year old classes).  We got in line for our class.  Kenzie was very shy and quiet, just watching all the action around her.  I was kind of doing the same.

They then let us into what would eventually be her classroom.  There were twenty children total in her class, so picture that plus all the moms and dads and some siblings, just to keep it interesting.

There came a time when the teacher asked all of the kids to sit on the carpet in the middle of the class and the parents to stand in the back while she went over a few things about the processes and what to expect for the coming year.

Kenzie sat down (against her will) and my husband and I stood on the other side.  The teacher started talking and Kenzie started to stand up.  I looked at her and motioned for her to sit her butt down.  She started to cry.  I went over to her and she starts to say, “I have to go pee pee” and then it happened.  SHE STARTED PEEING.  Right on the floor.  I picked her up as fast as I could.  She was also wearing a dress, so the pee was just coming out at an alarming rate.  That’s when I remembered that we never took her to go potty before we left my mom’s.  She drank an entire mini chocolate milk jug before we left.  FANTASTIC.  I could have avoided this.

So after I picked her up, I started sprinting for the door.  Pee is dripping all over me at this point.  I leave Mike behind to clean everything.  The whole time this is happening, the teacher doesn’t even flinch and none of the parents even move.  It was amazing.  It’s probably better that way, but holy shit was it embarrassing.  I walked out and since I had never been there before, I didn’t know where the restrooms were.  Of course, I walked the wrong way (she’s still peeing at this point).  My heart was pounding, I was sweating, and I’m pretty sure my legs were jello.

Found the bathrooms finally.  She had finished peeing by this time, but I still put her on the potty just in case.  [She was potty trained, by the way.]  Just another mom fail!  Magically, I had an extra pair of her underwear in my purse (I know, it’s like I knew this shit was going to happen).  So I was able to change her underwear and then her dress really wasn’t too bad since it was instead all over my outfit (YEAH!!!).  By the time we were done cleaning up, I walked her back into the room and the carpet time discussion was over.  Not a clue what we missed.  Mike was just putting back some cleaning spray and paper towels.  Thank God he was there, he cleaned up the giant puddle she left behind.

And then I took a deep breath and tried to recoup what was left of the evening so that we weren’t at a total loss.  Kenzie went and played at a table with a some intertwining flowers and puzzles and met her teachers.  At least they wouldn’t soon forget who she was.  Ah yes, the girl who peed everywhere on orientation night!

And over a year later, and she hasn’t had any potty accidents since then.  And now I’ve jinxed it.  Just wait for the next post 😉

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Crawling Around a Public Bathroom

Well, I’ve hit a new low.

I know being a mom can be gross with the spit up, poop, sticky food, projectile puke, having to retrieve toys out of the toilet, etc.  None of that really ever bothered me.  Bothers my husband more, which is hilarious to me.

So yesterday was Monday.  When I bring my daughter to school, I walk in with her, and then I take her to the potty before she walks into her classroom (we have a 45 min ride from home, so I always make her go).  There are two stalls in the girls’ bathroom.  One is a regular-sized toilet and the other is a super short toilet which is great for the littles.  Of course, they only want to use the little potty.  So we wait in line behind two others.  These kids are slow as molasses.  But that’s okay.  It’s preschool.  Who cares if you’re late to class?   Who cares if mom is later to work than usual?

So it’s finally her turn to use the potty.  She walks in, locks the door behind her.  I’m always so proud of her for being a big girl.  She’s only 4.

So she’s in there doing her thing, and then it happens.  “Mama, I need help”….

FFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK.  She pooped.

She’s pretty good about cleaning herself up, but sometimes needs help if she poops.  It’s hard for her to reach around.

I look at the door, and realize it’s not like the stalls that we used to have in school where a coin could be used to open the lock.  FUCK.

So what do I do?  I got on the floor and crawled under the stall.  Wearing a skirt and heels.  Almost broke my back I think.  As I was on the ground, I questioned how often they might clean it, since I could smell pee.

Dear daughter then asks as I slowly stand up, “Mama, why didn’t you just use the door?”  Oh she is hilarious.

Cleaned her butt up and then we washed hands.  Then she was pissed because her whole class had already walked into the class (she usually walks hand in hand with her friend Nora), so then she was extra shy and didn’t want to walk in by herself.  Teacher came an helped.  Maybe she saw the look of defeat on my face.

I wanted to go take a shower immediately, but it was off to work.  I washed my hands for a good three minutes upon returning to the office.  Thankfully, one of our inspectors got Dunkin Donuts, so things were starting to look up.  If this week doesn’t get better, I’m not going to make it.

 

 

Early Riser/ Why I Hate Parks.

Just a little break from Maddy’s birth story.  And because I actually got some hard earned sleep last night.

Maddy had a rough afternoon yesterday.  It seems like her tummy was bothering her, but she’d still flash me smiles every now and then, so I knew she was all good.   We took her and Kenzie to the park last night.  You can’t just go for a walk with Kenzie without ending up at the park.  I’ve tried.  You start walking in the opposite direction, and she will stop, point in the direction of one of the two parks near our house, and say, “NO, PARK!”

Well, I hate the park.  Back in May, she fell from a pretty high opening on the playground.  It was a good 4 foot fall, and she fell on her head/ neck.  WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.  Mike and I were both there.  We usually follow her up on the jungle gym, but this particular day, she decided she was going to just go down the slide 20 times.  Mike sat down with me since I had Maddy while we watched her play.  Of course, after she walked up the steps, she looked over at us, decided to do a little dance/ jump, lost her balance, and flew right off of the platform.  Let me ask this.  WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE GIANT OPENINGS THAT LEAD TO NOWHERE ON PLAYGROUND PLATFORMS?  This platform was 4 feet high, and it looked like they  could have been connected to monkey bars at some point.   It’s like they are asking for a disaster.

We were very lucky, because she did not lose consciousness.  She also had no blood, just a few scrapes from the wood chips that she landed on.  We ran home so we could clean her up and check her head.  I gave her a cookie to occupy her while I tried to wash off her wounds.  She took a bite of the cookie, cried, and then spit it out.  Now I was concerned that she chipped a tooth or something.  GREAT.  Got her all cleaned up while Maddy was screaming in the background.  She was still pretty out of sorts.  Mike hung out with her while I called the nurse triage line at the hospital to see if we needed to take her into the ER.  THIS SHIT ALWAYS HAPPENS ON THE WEEKENDS.  Seriously, you’ll find that your kids most often get sick or hurt on the weekends, when your doctor is not available.  So you’re always second guessing yourself…do I go to the ER?  Do I go to urgent care?

They told me that since her fall was less than 5 feet (I almost had to go back to the park to measure because I wasn’t quite sure, and you don’t want to be wrong about something like that), she wouldn’t need to go to the ER.  Just need to monitor her for any weird signs, make sure she doesn’t pass out, etc.  Luckily, we had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for that next week for a follow up, so they would check out her pretty little head then.  After her good nap, and me checking up on her pretty frequently, she woke up and ate her Mac & Cheese and a cookie with no problem.  Then, she started running around the table and jumping on the couch.  I was thrilled that she was acting like her normal, insane self, but it also concerned me that with our luck, she would go flying off the couch and another injury would ensue.  No thanks.  So I think I bribed her with another cookie or playing on the iPad.  Don’t judge me until you have two kids.  I always said, “my kids will never play on electronics like iPads or watch TV”….hahahaha, I was so dumb.  But we’ll save that for another post.

This post turned into why I hate the park, when it was supposed to be about how I actually got a decent night’s sleep.  Anyhow, we took both girls to the park that evening and Kenzie had a great time.  We had to bribe her to leave.  Ice cream, this time.  But Maddy was losing her shit as we started the walk home.  It’s a few blocks from our house.  So I ran with the stroller (something you’ll never see me doing, because who has time for exercise…), but it didn’t seem to help.  So I took her out and walked with her, which was much better for her (try steering a dumb stroller through a winding path with a 4 month old kicking you).

Kenzie went to bed around 9 that night – no fussing, no fighting.  Maddy went down around 10 p.m., which wasn’t so bad.  I expected to be woken up around 2 or 3, as per usual.  Well guess who waltzed into our room at 3?  Kenzie P!   Hahaha, I was so thrilled when I heard her little footsteps making their way to our room.  I kicked Mike.  Then I shoved him.  “Hey, your daughter is awake”…..he made it very clear that once Maddy was born, he would be on Kenzie duty at night.  I agreed.   Kenzie has been sleeping through the night since before we had Maddy, of course.  So this deal basically meant that Mike never had to wake up.  Cool.  Until now.  At 3 a.m.   SUCKER.

I went right back to sleep.  And guess what?  Maddy didn’t wake up once that night.  You must be wondering if Kenzie went back to bed after she woke up Mike at 3.  NOPE!  Girlfriend stayed awake until I woke up with Maddy at 7.  Mike had a look of pure exhaustion on his face.  I just smiled.  Kenzie proceeded to fall asleep on the ride to her babysitter’s house, though.  It was a nice, quiet ride in.

Long story short, Maddy is a MUCH better sleeper than Kenzie ever was at her age.  I know the size is a big factor, but I deserve this after over a year of crazy nights with Kenzie.  Loved those nights with my girl, but mama needs her rest so she doesn’t go postal at work.

Potty Training with Miss Kenzie

Oh man, what a fun evening we had.

My original plan was to start potty training fast and furious during my maternity leave.  Things got a little busy/ crazy with two kids, so that never ended up being a priority.

I got home Thursday and noticed that Kenzie had a bit of a rash on her bottom, so I decided to let her soak a little longer in the bathtub.  I also thought, “This would be a great opportunity to start using her big girl undies!”  So, rather than put a night time diaper on her and not let the rash breathe, I put on her Minnie Mouse undies.  I talked to her about it, and explained that she needed to let mama or dada know when she needed to potty, and we would take her up to her pretty potty.

She has already gone potty on it a few times, so she knows the drill.  She enjoys playing with her potty more than using it, though.  For example, she will place her bear on the potty seat and say, “Bear going potty”….so she totally gets it, but she just isn’t interested in using it herself.

So I bring Kenzie downstairs, and Mike says, “This is a terrible idea, I don’t like it”….I told him just not to let her sit on the couch or anything.  Easy enough, right?  So I go upstairs to start running Maddy’s bath.  [I feel all that I do after getting home from work is change diapers, clean up toys, bathe the kids, and feed them constantly].   I realize all of Maddy’s diapers are downstairs, so I run down to grab one.  I notice that Kenzie is sitting on Mike’s lap and he is combing her hair (she won’t let me do it – everything I try to do gets a “Dada Do!!”  She hates me already!).

As I walk by, I say, “Wow, you’re brave” and continued on upstairs to get Maddy ready for her bath.  Before I can even get Maddy to the tub, I hear Mike scream, “AHHH!!!”  And then I just waited.  He ran up the stairs holding Kenzie out like she had some type of disease.  I took her and asked what was wrong, just to be funny.  He was clearly pissed (no pun intended).

You guys, she seriously had the smallest amount of pee on her nightgown.  Mike claims that was because it all leaked out onto him.  He had already run to change his shorts.  HILARIOUS.  After he changed and I cleaned up Kenzie, he said, “We’re not doing that anymore” in a super pissed off/ attitudey kind of voice…and then I asked him what his suggestion was for potty training.  “She’ll just tell us when she has to go, and then we’ll take her to the potty”….HAHAHAHA.   Well, maybe when she’s 4 she can do that.

Looks like I’m going to have to do the potty training while he is not home!   Not like I have anything else to do.

Stop Getting My Kid Sick / My Unplanned Hospital Visit

I don’t even want to write about this experience because it was such a terrible one to endure, but if it will help someone out by reading it, then it will have been worth it.

I always thought dehydration was a joke.  I was always getting sick with my first pregnancy, keeping very little food down.  Water even made me nauseous.  I always asked my doctor if I could get too dehydrated and at what point should I be worried.  She didn’t seem super concerned and told me if I could not keep ANY food or drink down within an 8 hour period to call her office.  I never really got to that point, because eventually, I would have a Taco Bell craving or fountain Pepsi craving and would be able to keep all of that down, shockingly.

The difference this time was that the dehydration that came on was not pregnancy/ morning sickness related.  It was caused by some nasty stomach bug – probably the fancy norovirus that has been in the headlines so often as of late.  Here is a nice article explaining the virus if you are not aware of just how nasty it can be:  Norovirus

Anyhow, this was easily the worst stomach bug I have ever had in my life.  And having it while 8 months pregnant…multiply it by 10.

My daughter had thrown up twice the Sunday before, but nothing else.  She was fine by Tuesday.  Her little buddies at the babysitter’s house were the ones who got her sick.  I later found out that the parents were sending their kids if they had puked that morning, thinking or hoping it was “just a fluke” or the food that was bothering them.  Not the case, assholes.  The problem is, many of the parents are teachers, so their time off is limited.  I understand it is not super convenient to take a day off at the last minute and have to find a substitute, etc.  And I understand that you probably don’t get as much time off as someone with a non-teaching job.

Unfortunately, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.  Like I had said before, my daughter threw up twice on Sunday night.  No WAY was I about to send her to the babysitter’s on Monday “hoping” that her symptoms would magically disappear.  She had no other symptoms.  No diarrhea.  But, in my mind, I make the decision to do what I hope other parents would do in the same situation.  So I keep her home one more day to ensure that she’s not going to infect other kids.  My work is still piling up.  And I’m using sick time that I was trying to save for after baby #2 was born so that I can get paid for as much as possible since my job does not offer paid maternity leave.  Doesn’t always work out though, and you have to just go with it and put your kids’ best interests before your own.

So, I’m at work on Tuesday and feeling fine.  Around 11 a.m., I get a sudden rush of nausea and have to run to the bathroom to puke.  Almost didn’t make it.  At this point, I’m trying to figure out if this is morning sickness related, or if I have caught the infamous bug.   Not even 20 minutes later, I was running for the bathroom again to puke.  Yep, definitely not pregnancy related.  I headed out of work immediately leaving a trail of antibacterial sanitizer in hopes of not getting anyone else sick.  Called the babysitter and told her I would be dropping off the carseat and that Mike would be picking Kenzie up after work instead of me.  I have no idea how I made it the whole 30 minute drive without having to pull over and vomit out the window, but I did!  I tried taking the smallest sips of Gatorade, just to keep myself a little hydrated.  But as soon as I walked in the door, I was throwing up again.  There was nothing left in my stomach to throw up.  At this point, I was getting a little worried.  I thought if I tried to lay down, that would help.   NOPE.  Three more times, dry heaving and throwing up straight bile.  That is when I decided to call my doctor.

Doctor is on vacation this week.  WELL OF COURSE SHE IS!  Luckily the nurses were still there taking calls.  She told me if I started cramping or feeling contractions or thought I was dehydrated, to go directly to the hospital since I was so far along.  Well, how do I make that call?  I didn’t want to be the girl who cried wolf and didn’t really need to be admitted for something as lame as dehydration.  I puked twice more after that.  Called my mother-in-law, who works five minutes from our house to come pick me up to take me to the hospital.  I felt like such a loser.

As it turns out, it was the best decision I’ve made in awhile, probably.  I was severely dehydrated AND having contractions.  I couldn’t even feel the contractions, but they were occurring, and definitely due to the dehydration.  Had I waited, I likely would have gone into full fledged pre-term labor at 32 weeks.  The baby’s heart rate was all over the place, so they kept me overnight.  It took five IV bags of fluids to rehydrate me.  They also gave me zofran for the nausea, but that didn’t do much for me.  They also put me on Tamiflu, just as a precaution.  I didn’t get any real sleep until about 5 a.m. the next morning.  I had such bad heartburn when I would try to lay down (from what – there was nothing left in my system!), that I would toss and turn.  Between that and the baby monitor moving around so much, the nurses were constantly in there readjusting me and taking blood.  I was finally able to keep some broth down at 4 a.m. after a failed attempt at orange Jello (I will never eat Jello again now) – and let me tell you, broth NEVER tasted so good!

I got to go home the next evening.  I was so excited to go home and sleep in my own bed, without any monitors attached to me.  I was told I could not return to work until Monday of the next week (I got home that Wednesday – yayyyy, more sick time wasted and baby #2 isn’t even here yet).  Even though I was home, I was still so sick up until that next Tuesday.  Easily the worst I have ever felt in my life.  I would have almost preferred to stay in the hospital had I known how weak and useless I would be at home with my toddler.  Thank God for my husband, who still took Kenzie to the babysitter’s so that I could rest for the days he had to work, and continued to take care of her when they got home, even though he wasn’t feeling his best.

I will be 35 weeks this Sunday, and I am so happy that baby is still safe and growing.  Moral of the story:  Dehydration is no joke when you are in your third trimester.  You do what you need to do to make sure baby stays put as long as possible.  Fingers crossed that babe will stay put for at least another two weeks.  Can’t wait to meet the newest addition, and I can’t wait to see how Kenzie reacts when she realizes this kid will be with us for the long haul.