The First Ear Infection

Last Thursday was easily the worst night/ morning we have EVER had with Kenzie.  Even counting her colicky stage.

At one point, I said to Mike (over screaming cries):  “We should just give this other child to your sister or something, I don’t think I’m equipped to handle two – I’m not cut out for this”  I was obviously joking, but it was so bad!  She wouldn’t even take any medicine because she was hysterical the entire time.  Just a little Tylenol would have helped the situation immensely, given she probably had terrible pain in her ear.

She eventually tired herself out around 9 and wanted to eat something (just jello), but then she was walking around like normal and laughing for about 45 minutes.  WHAT THE HELL.  I think she is good to go (if I were smart, I would have given her some tylenol in those 45 minutes of calm), and we head up to bed.  I lay her down.  THE WORLD IMPLODES.

Long story short, she finally went to bed at 4:30 a.m. because she just couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore.  She slept on my chest for a few hours before waking up for the day.

It is the ABSOLUTE WORST when your kid can’t tell you what is wrong.  I know everyone says that after your child starts talking in full sentences, you wish it would go back because they won’t shut up, but I am just so excited to soon be able to hold little conversation with her.  Her personality is so fun – she’s going to comical to talk with, if nothing else.

So, as soon as I am able to the next morning, I call her doctor’s office to get her in.  This was on a Friday.  The one downside to her pediatrician’s office is that they are closed on the weekends.  You have your ped’s cell phone number if you need to contact him or her, but of course, you feel like it has to be an absolute emergency to call them and you feel terrible doing it (I’ve done this twice, and he always sounds like he’s at a party – never rude or annoyed though).  It still sucks.

I get her an appointment at 10 a.m.   Another day I had to take off.  My boss is great about it, since he has four kids of his own.  But all I can focus on are my extra paid maternity leave days slipping away.  That’s okay, though, because I was there when my daughter needed me most.

The doctor checks her right ear first.  My biggest worry is that she’s going to say, “well, it’s probably just teething – just something you have to work through”….and then my head would have exploded.  Instead, she looks in the first ear and says, “Ooh, that one is definitely infected” – and checks the other one and says, “and this one is trying to get infected too”….A little bit of relief washes over me.  WHAT KIND OF PARENT IS HAPPY WHEN A DOCTOR TELLS THEM THEIR KID HAS AN EAR INFECTION?!  I was just so happy that there was a reason behind her hours and hours of crying.

So on the Amoxicillin she went!  18 months was a good run without needing any antibiotics.  For the record, she starting acting like her crazy self again almost immediately.  I hope the next time her ear hurts, she is just able to tell us 🙂

And to end this completely off-topic, the show “This is Us” is nowhere close to being as good as “Parenthood” was.  I just finished watching what I think was the 4th or 5th episode.  I find myself fast forwarding through much of the story lines (both brothers when they are in present times).  I have only been watching the overweight sister’s segments, and that ends up being like 15 minutes of the show and even that annoys me.  Get it together, NBC.  Nothing will ever replace Parenthood, so just bring it back, please.

PS:  I remembered to wear deodorant today and even got to shower!  Success all around.  And ultrasound is tomorrow to find out gender.  A big week for us all.  Stay tuned!

 

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Did I put on deodorant this morning?

I ask myself that question while driving to work far too often.  I keep an extra stick in my office drawer in case I forget.  It’s quite sad.  I also question what I wore the day before in hopes that I don’t wear the same shirt.  My main concern is now making sure Kenzie is fed and looks cute in whatever she is wearing.  My, how priorities have changed.

Anyhow, I finally got my hair cut for the first time in months recently.  My hair stylist introduced me to this product that is kind of like a light powder – but is actually quite magical.  It is called Redken Texture Powder Grip 03.  It basically allows you to go days without washing your hair.  Call me gross or disgusting – I don’t really care.  My hair is thick and naturally curly (not as thick as it used to be, thanks to motherhood), and doesn’t get greasy easily right away if I don’t use curl cream.  Like, if I straighten it, I could go a day before I have to wash again without the powder.  At one point in my life, I had time to shower each day and this wasn’t an issue.  That luxury is GONE.  NOW, I can go a few days without washing my hair.  Don’t worry guys, I still shower every other day at least, I just omit the hair.  But that’s okay, because that’s what these products are for!  See link here:  Redken Power Grip 03

I don’t use it on my first hair straightening day after I have slept on my wet head once (I mostly have time to shower at night, if I am lucky).  This is mostly for the second, third, etc days.  I still use the curling iron sparingly to add a few extra fat curls so it doesn’t look like I *just* woke up.  After that, sprinkle a little of the fairy dust around the crown of your head (sparingly), and then your lift your hair with your fingers from UNDER to kind of get it in there and lift your hair.  IT IS WONDERFUL.  And it doesn’t make your hair feel gross – it actually gives it a little lift.  Maybe just feels like you’ve got some extra hair spray in there.

Just a little PSA to those who need it.  And the link offers this stuff cheaper than most salons, plus a 10% off code if you get added to their mailing list.

This is just in an effort to not look like a complete disaster each day of my life.

Sorry I was late, I had to get my cardio in.

I like to think that Amy Schumer and I are somewhat kindred spirits, and that if we met some day, we would be the best of friends.  And maybe she would take me to a Billy Joel concert to sing on stage.  And we could laugh at people working out at the gym.

People who work out seriously kill me.  I see people running (always for fun, never from a murderer or for a purpose), and I immediately laugh.  I’m a terrible person, I already know this.  No need to remind me.  Maybe it’s because I’m partly jealous that I don’t have that kind of discipline?

And I’m also a hypocrite, because I used to go to hot yoga.  I loved yoga so much.  Made my body actually feel good instead of feeling like I was hit by a train the next day.  But then, I got pregnant.  Doctors frown upon doing exercise in a 100 degree room when you are trying to hold onto all of your nutrients/ hydration because you have hyperemesis gravidarum.  So goodbye yoga!  And yes, I know you are thinking “Doesn’t she have an 18 month old?  She could have gone back to yoga by now”…to which I say, screw that.  Any extra time I have on my hands is now spent sleeping or eating, especially now that I am pregnant again (I know, who plans this shit?!)….but that is okay.  Because this will be the last one.  FOR SURE.  So maybe in a year or two I will get my yoga back.  By then, I’ll probably want it back.

Anyhow, hypocrite or not, I head over to the babysitter’s house to get Kenzie a few weeks back.  It’s about 5:05 when I get there.  Kenzie always runs from me when I get there.  She looks really happy and excited that I am there, but then runs straight in the other direction.  Right after I walk in, another Dad walks in.  We will call him Dan.  Dan says, “Sorry I’m a little late, I had to get my cardio in”….  You guys, I almost laughed in his face because I thought he was joking around like how Fat Amy talked about cardio on Pitch Perfect.  Luckily, I did not laugh.  He was dead serious.  He and his wife work out at the gym together and even pay for a trainer.  Holy hell!  I could think of one hundred better things to do with your money than pay a trainer to make you work out.  Pizza and cupcakes are at the top of that list.  I mean, I get winded walking up our stairs at home.  But that’s just me.

And now I’m off to eat some Halloween candy.  I can’t wait til Kenzie is old enough to go trick-or-treating so I can steal her candy the way my parents stole mine.  “Here, have this quinoa bar instead, and I will have the Reese’s since you don’t want your teeth to rot..”

 

The First Three Weeks

This is a post I started a long time ago, obviously, but just now posting.   Funny to look back on.  It’s fitting, since she FINALLY slept through the night last night (March 8, 2016 = add to list of milestones).  If we have any other kiddos, this will be a good post to look back on.  I’m finally starting to feel like myself again, almost one year later.  Or maybe this will remind me we don’t want any other kiddos?  Ha!  As always, sorry for the profanity.  I was in the moment!
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So, we just started our fourth week of “Life with Kenzie”…

Just to give you an idea of how things are going, here is a scenario that just happened:

Because of the shitty day that it has been, I decided we *must* get out of the house.  Mama needed some coffee.  So to Dunkin Donuts we went!  I even brought the freaking dog so that no one would feel left out.  I had planned to leave the house around 2, so that we would avoid any and all school, lunch, or rush hours.  Want to know what time we left the house at?  4:47 p.m.  At that point, my mind was set on coffee, so we were going to make a run for it.

Baby Girl did good, at first.  I wish she could take a note or two from our dog.  He’s fantastic at car rides.  So I pull up at the drive thru at Dunkin and order my wonderful coffee and two chocolate glazed donuts.  One for me, and one for my husband for the morning.  And if he didn’t want it, then there would be two for me!  Fantastic.

So I ordered our stuff (no cries), and then pulled around to the window.  The lady saw the dog and gave me a cookie for him, which he was stoked about.  She must have missed the baby carrier, because maybe then she would have handed me a flask.  As we drove away from Dunkin Donuts, baby girl erupted with tears.  Ah yes, we had only been in the car for five tiny minutes, and that was enough for her to lose her shit.  I was contemplating driving around a bit more after we got our goodies, but her tone got louder and more ear piercing, so home we went.  Once I put the carrier down in the dining room table, she shut up.  WHAT THE FUCK.  I left her there for about 20 minutes as she slept, and then she woke up.  She must have forgotten that she was strapped in, because she was PISSED!  The mother of all screams came forth, so I took her out.  My fear is that if I go on a road trip with her, she will fall asleep in the car and then wake up forgetting what the hell is going on and let out that raging scream.

Excuse me, she just crapped her diaper while sitting in my lap.  That’s how loud she is when she poops and/ or farts.  Like a 40 year old man!  She’ll thank me for this post later.

Okay, 30 minutes later…(she went through two extra diapers..I think I’m so smooth to throw a new diaper under her butt once I wipe her off AND swipe out the old one at the same time…and then she pees on the new one AND her outfit…so I wipe her and give her another new one…she poops some more on that one….)   Then she’s hungry.  So I nursed her.  It literally felt like she was ripping off my nipple at the end of the 20 minutes.  And all the lactation consultants say, “you’re doing it wrong if it hurts”  – I call bullshit!

MacKenzie’s Birth Story – Part 5 (10 months later…)

Moving right along…

I still remember it like it was yesterday.  Picture it:  Sicily.  1922…

But for real, I did think that it would take me hours of pushing to get little chicky out.  Only because everyone tells their horror stories about how they were in labor and pushing for 12 hours, yadda yadda…had to eventually get a c-section because baby got wedged in there.  I do realize that she was tiny, so if the next kiddo is bigger, I imagine it taking a little longer.

Note to self:  Next time, have 80s and 90s music blasting in the delivery room for all to enjoy.  I had such great intentions of having a play list ready to go.  But then again, didn’t know little chicky was going to be a month early.

So I’m pushing and pushing every now and then when a contraction comes up.  Still no sweat or anything crazy.   It had probably been about 20 minutes or so.  Nurses are talking about random things.  Mike is being as supportive as he can, and we are holding little conversations in between as well.  So weird!

At no point does she tell me, “Okay, I see the head!”, maybe because I didn’t really seem interested in looking at the mirror to see the progress.  Which honestly, was probably for the best.  I would have been annoyed, I’m sure.

After another push, I’m looking at my wedding ring thinking, “Gosh, who knew I would be delivering our first baby before our one year anniversary” and Mike chimes in, “Babe, look” (he was pointing at my legs/ doctor area) – I figured he was telling me to look in the mirror or something so I told him to shut it, that I wasn’t interested!  He said, “NO, LOOOOOK” ……So I looked up, and there was baby girl, in Dr. Upp’s arms.  And then she let out a good scream, and we knew her lungs were GOOD TO GO.  ::phew, big sigh of relief there, since the lung development were the main thing they were worried about in her early arrival::  MacKenzie Josephine was born at 10:59 a.m. on April 13, 2015 weighing in at 4 lbs and 13 ounces, and 18 inches long.  It was kind of funny, because at some point early in the morning (probably 4 or 5 a.m. when she was checking my cervix again), she said, “Yep, you’ll probably have your baby girl by 11 a.m.”….crazy to me.  She knows her stuff.

As soon as Kenzie was delivered, Dr U said, “Wait wait, Mike, get your camera, and let’s get a few photos before we put her under the warming crib” – it was SO NICE to have them think about that kind of thing, because both of us were not thinking about it at all.  Because of that, we were able to get a few really great photos in the first few moments of our daughter’s life.  Now, we probably have a few thousand photos (not kidding – both of our phones are out of memory – we literally have to delete apps when we need to take more pics, it’s ridiculous).  We really need to invest in a nice camera.  I know camera phones have come a long way, but I want to be able to really control the photos I am taking (not just add instagram filters that I can never decide on).

And in case you were wondering, I did cry when baby girl was born.  Not like a loser who just fell off her bike type of cry, but a good, smiling cry with a few tears streaming.  Plus, it was a beautiful morning.  The sun was shining through the windows, and all was right in my world.  I never thought I would have cried.  Not because I have no heart, but because I thought I would just be happy, but not THAT happy to see a screaming babe 🙂  Mike had some hidden tears, too.

So Mike got our pics with the iPad, and then they moved her to the side of the room with the warming crib, and the NICU team checked her out and cleaned her up.  Final outcome?  Baby girl is perfectly healthy at 36 weeks!  WHAT UP.  My doctor then said, “Well, I guess we can cancel your appointment for Thursday!”  YEAH!  No more checking of the cervix, now I just get to hang with my happy baby!  Haha, oh how little I knew then about how the first few months would go.  I was so dumb and uninformed.  That’s okay though.  You live, you learn.  ::alanis::

After babe was born and the NICU team deemed her good to go, they put her on my chest for some skin-to-skin, while Mike went out and got the grandmas.  They were shocked that I had already delivered.  Everyone was happy as clams, as you could imagine.  Tears were flowing.  Happy happy.  After the grandmas got their fix, it was time to try to breastfeed.

I’ll save the breastfeeding topic for another post, because it seriously needs its own post with all of the BS that comes along with it (I am still breastfeeding, but I was so uneducated at first that it was frustrating and upsetting.  So if I can teach just one person something about my experience, it will be worth it).

Next post:  about the next two days spent in the hospital (pretty much a blur), and bringing home baby girl.  Oh what a journey it has been.

 

 

Postpartum Hormone Rages – Holy Hell.

This will be a relatively quick post for right now.  And I will continue with the birth story for Mack – don’t worry.

Basically, postpartum hormones/ depression is no fucking joke.  I know my hormones are all out of balance and whatever, but for the third time in a week, I just burst into tears in front of Mike.  He doesn’t get it.  He thinks something must be wrong (like a root cause), but I keep telling him I do not know what is wrong.  I think it’s a mix of everything.  I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.  Baby girl still isn’t gaining weight.  She’s not losing anything, but she’s not gaining.  This makes me question if something is wrong with my breast milk or if I am not feeding her as often as I should, even though I feed her on demand, like her ped told me.  And I feel like I suck as a mother (am I talking to her enough?  am I soothing her enough?  am I reading to her enough?  am I singing enough?).

And then I think about childcare and how I couldn’t even fathom the thought of someone else (other than family and close friends) babysitting her once I have to go back to work.  I am seriously ready to quit my job.  My mom has agreed to take baby girl two days a week (she is even taking an extra day off every week just to make it work), and then I have no idea what to do for the other three days.  That in itself makes me want to cry.  I will not put her into day care where there are other kids at this point.  As a new mom, I feel that (selfishly, I’m sure) all the attention should be on her (when she’s not sleeping).  Like, I worry about her sitting in a wet or dirty diaper for too long, or crying for milk.  It kills me.

Hubby thought I was mad/ crying because he was going to the Cubs game for the remainder of our future-brother-in-law’s bachelor party.  OF COURSE it would have been nice if he stayed home, but I know he needed to be there.  He’s going to be family.

Anyhow, I’m not depressed.  I’m just having a hard time adjusting.  I knew it was going to be life changing, but there is just no real way to prepare for this in your life.  Especially when baby girl was a month early.

It’s a beautiful day today, so I’m going to take baby girl out for a walk after she eats again.  I think maybe the sun will help.  And The Cure.

25 weeks, 5 days – Bébé is Size of a Napa Cabbage – and the Parenthood series finale…

Moving right along.  25 weeks.  I can’t believe I am almost into the third trimester!  Still doing good on the anti-nausea front.  Not going to say too much because I don’t want to jinx it.

I was pretty motivated yesterday, and scheduled a whole slew of things!  I scheduled a tour of the birthing ward at the hospital we will be delivering at.  They just renovated everything in the past year, and everything is state-of-the-art.  I’m pretty excited to check it out.  Even better, I learned that they offer in-room spa services!  WHAT?!  Oh yes, you can schedule a manicure or pedicure during your stay!  I told Mike and his response was, “Sounds like this is going to be an expensive trip”….hahaha, no kidding.  Expensive trip, expensive kid…goodbye vacations and nice Anthropologie clothes for mama.

I also scheduled us for an accelerated birthing class.  It is on a Saturday from 9 until 5.  I told Mike this and his response was, “WHAT?  8 hours?!”  He was partly joking.  I am not a fan of sitting somewhere for 8 hours, either.  But it was either that or three weeks of Tuesday/ Wednesday night classes, and we would never make the class in time since it is at a different location.  They will let us leave for lunch, at least.  And the lady told me to dress comfortably and to bring 4 large pillows.  Can’t wait!  🙂    As long as I don’t have to sit in a chair for 8 hours, I will be okay.  Just lay me out on the floor, and I will pay attention.

And finally, I scheduled the glucose test ::cringe:: for next Saturday.  Fingers crossed I don’t vomit and they let me take my time drinking it, and I can drink it in peace.  I have to be there at 7 a.m., so I’m going to ask if they have a room with a bed after I drink the sugar drink, hahaha!   I told Mike he didn’t have to join me for this appointment, since I will have to sit there for an hour or two before they can draw my blood.  Fun times.  I think we are going to be pretty busy with our weekends up until baby girl is born!

I watched the series finale of Parenthood last night.  It was a great ending, in my opinion.  It makes such a difference when the creators of the show are actually aware that it is their last season and have enough time to prep a proper ending for the show.  So many shows find out mid-season that it will be their last season, so there is no closure for the viewers.  I feel as though they packed A LOT into one hour, but I was still happy with the outcome and future montage that they played to show where everyone ended up in life.  Lots of tears.  I’m not going to post any spoilers here for those of you who may not have seen it yet.  But it’s amazing.  I keep telling myself that the show is not real, and that they are not a real family.  But something inside of me really wants that kind of family!  The love they show to each other seemed so genuine.  And even the anger, since they obviously weren’t perfect.  I just want the same for our little family.  I hope that we can have that.  I hope I’m a good mom.  I really do.  Oh, and the music in the final episode WAS AMAZING.  Here is my favorite song (the intro Bob Dylan song, performed by Rhiannon Giddens and Iron & Wine) is perfection:   http://youtu.be/KHMlZxG339Y

Oh, and a good post to document the tear-factor of the finale:  http://www.vulture.com/2015/01/parenthood-series-finale-cry-cap-season-6-episode-13.html

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eating:   Pretty much anything at this point aside from the normal haters on my vomit list.  Still loving the Italian ice and have recently had a small obsession with smoothies, thanks to a good friend at work!  Oh, and LITTLE CAESARS!!  I got this for lunch one day earlier this week because I was craving it – yes, just for me.  I’m craving all the foods I loved as a kid!  We would always order Little Caesars pizza and crazy bread when I was allowed to have friends sleep over.  Such good stuff.  Baby girl will probably end up with a gluten allergy.

pizza

drinking: Smoothies, Squirt (I know, weird, right?), and Pepsi

avoiding: Shrimp.  Chicken.  Avocado.

wearing:  Ugh, I’m getting bigger by the day.  I finally bought one of those belly bands from Target so that I could keep wearing my work pants to work without having to buy new pants.  Bought some more Liz Lange maternity tops on clearance.  Had Mike take some photos this morning of me.

I’m concerned about my legs – they keep cramping up in the middle of the night!  Just my calves, really.  I’m afraid I’m going to have to start wearing those hideous circulation stockings that you see all of the old people wearing.  I need a better option!  Has anyone else had this problem before?

And something weird that I noticed.  My skin was always hit-or-miss before pregnancy.  I wouldn’t say that I had acne, but I would break out every now and then on my face, like a 13 year old.  Since I’ve been pregnant ::knock on wood:: my skin has been great!  Definitely not glowing or anything, but clear for the most part.  Still pale as hell.  I’ve heard that the opposite is supposed to happen.  Especially with having a girl, you’d think my hormone levels would double, hence my skin problems would double.  Not the case!  I’ll take it, though!

Stay tuned for my next post – it would be about our adventures in baby-registering!

Here is what 25 weeks looks like.  PS:  My hair is wet from having just gotten out of the shower, it’s not greasy 🙂

belly photo 1 close up belly photo 3belly photo 2