Babysitter Blues

So, I got a call from our in-home babysitter Monday night.  She got some bad medical news.  Her doctor advised her to stop working immediately, as she should be lifting anything (including kids/ babies).  Cut to Tuesday.  I brought the girls to work with me from 10 until 2.  You can only keep a 4 and 2 year old busy in an office for so long before shit starts to go down.

To say I am upset is an understatement.  I’ve been crying on and off every night.  I wake up and I hope that it was just a nightmare.  This woman has become part of our family, and even like a second mom to me.  She has had the insane task of bringing up my two girls.  She basically potty trained them.  She is a way better mom than I am.

I have two interviews set up for Friday.  One woman currently watches 15 kids.  AT HER HOUSE.  So that’s concerning, but I have to remember that some of those kids go to school during the day.  The woman seemed older, which isn’t necessarily bad, but also just concerning to take care of that many kids.  She said she has help, but I’ll need to find out who is helping her, too.

The second interview seems like someone who randomly decided to start babysitting on the side.  She only has two kids right now.  She said her husband is around to help most of the time.  Which begs the question…what does he do for a living?  Why are you both able to be home all the time?

I have also called a day care that came highly recommended.  All ages have “very long” waiting lists.  So forget that.

And Kenzie starts kindergarten next year IN ANOTHER STATE, so I’ll have to either find after care for her or someone else who can pick her up before I get home with the other kids.  Like seriously, who has a life like this?  What the fuck?

You guys, I am so close to quitting my job.  It seems like the only option.  If we wouldn’t have just built a house, and didn’t have another baby on the way, and didn’t need to buy a new car to be able to fit three fucking car seats in, maybe I would be in a better place to do so.  I just don’t know what to do.  Or, maybe I take FMLA now for a little while so I can figure shit out, only to take more FMLA later after baby is born?

Even if I did end up liking one of the potential candidates enough, could I really just throw my kids into this person’s care for 40 hours per week?  How would I expect my kids to be comfortable with them?  I’d want to slowly start them like maybe two days per week to see how things go.  And what if it doesn’t work out?  I am back in the same place.

I am just so sad.  It’s all I can think about at work, when I try to fall asleep, when I wake up.  I need a miracle or to win the lottery.  Either will do.