Potty Training with Miss Kenzie

Oh man, what a fun evening we had.

My original plan was to start potty training fast and furious during my maternity leave.  Things got a little busy/ crazy with two kids, so that never ended up being a priority.

I got home Thursday and noticed that Kenzie had a bit of a rash on her bottom, so I decided to let her soak a little longer in the bathtub.  I also thought, “This would be a great opportunity to start using her big girl undies!”  So, rather than put a night time diaper on her and not let the rash breathe, I put on her Minnie Mouse undies.  I talked to her about it, and explained that she needed to let mama or dada know when she needed to potty, and we would take her up to her pretty potty.

She has already gone potty on it a few times, so she knows the drill.  She enjoys playing with her potty more than using it, though.  For example, she will place her bear on the potty seat and say, “Bear going potty”….so she totally gets it, but she just isn’t interested in using it herself.

So I bring Kenzie downstairs, and Mike says, “This is a terrible idea, I don’t like it”….I told him just not to let her sit on the couch or anything.  Easy enough, right?  So I go upstairs to start running Maddy’s bath.  [I feel all that I do after getting home from work is change diapers, clean up toys, bathe the kids, and feed them constantly].   I realize all of Maddy’s diapers are downstairs, so I run down to grab one.  I notice that Kenzie is sitting on Mike’s lap and he is combing her hair (she won’t let me do it – everything I try to do gets a “Dada Do!!”  She hates me already!).

As I walk by, I say, “Wow, you’re brave” and continued on upstairs to get Maddy ready for her bath.  Before I can even get Maddy to the tub, I hear Mike scream, “AHHH!!!”  And then I just waited.  He ran up the stairs holding Kenzie out like she had some type of disease.  I took her and asked what was wrong, just to be funny.  He was clearly pissed (no pun intended).

You guys, she seriously had the smallest amount of pee on her nightgown.  Mike claims that was because it all leaked out onto him.  He had already run to change his shorts.  HILARIOUS.  After he changed and I cleaned up Kenzie, he said, “We’re not doing that anymore” in a super pissed off/ attitudey kind of voice…and then I asked him what his suggestion was for potty training.  “She’ll just tell us when she has to go, and then we’ll take her to the potty”….HAHAHAHA.   Well, maybe when she’s 4 she can do that.

Looks like I’m going to have to do the potty training while he is not home!   Not like I have anything else to do.

Worst Mom #445

I’m not really counting the reasons why I am sometimes a bad mom.  My numbering system is probably pretty accurate, though.

Anyhow, this happened a few weeks ago on a Friday.  I picked up Kenzie from the babysitter’s house after another fun-filled day at work.

I put her in the car seat and noticed she dropped her doll’s pacifier.  Of course.  So I start looking all over for it.  Can’t find it.  Distracted her with some pretzels.  Good to go.

So, I’m driving along and we get to a light about 10 minutes later.  Just a block away from getting on the expressway.  I look back at little chicky in my rear view mirror (we have one of those mirrors on her seat in the back since she is still rear-facing) and see that she is proudly STANDING UP facing me with a huge smile on her face.  YEP, I forgot to buckle her in because I was so distracted looking for the dumb fake pacifier.  I immediately start looking around to see where I can pull into quickly to get her strapped in.  There is a White Castle just a few feet ahead and I just need to turn right to get into the parking lot.  Perfect.

At the same time, I am telling Kenzie sternly “SIT DOWN”, to which she just laughs and smiles because she knows what she has accomplished.  Completely ignores me.

The light turns green, and I slowly start to turn into the White Castle parking lot.  I look in the mirror as I am doing this and watch Kenzie do a little cartwheel and fall over onto the seat next to her.  OMG.  She starts whining/ fake crying.  I ask, “Are you okay?!”  To which she replies, “Yeah” (in the saddest tone ever – hilarious).  So I get her all buckled in (against her will of course, because now she knows what freedom is like in the car), and away we go while she cried for the duration of the trip.  What a heart attack!  So thankful we were not on the expressway going 70 mph when it happened.  I am a moron.

Stay tuned for more bad mom stories, I’m sure they’ll be coming.  Especially with pregnancy brain over here.

 

The First Three Weeks

This is a post I started a long time ago, obviously, but just now posting.   Funny to look back on.  It’s fitting, since she FINALLY slept through the night last night (March 8, 2016 = add to list of milestones).  If we have any other kiddos, this will be a good post to look back on.  I’m finally starting to feel like myself again, almost one year later.  Or maybe this will remind me we don’t want any other kiddos?  Ha!  As always, sorry for the profanity.  I was in the moment!
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So, we just started our fourth week of “Life with Kenzie”…

Just to give you an idea of how things are going, here is a scenario that just happened:

Because of the shitty day that it has been, I decided we *must* get out of the house.  Mama needed some coffee.  So to Dunkin Donuts we went!  I even brought the freaking dog so that no one would feel left out.  I had planned to leave the house around 2, so that we would avoid any and all school, lunch, or rush hours.  Want to know what time we left the house at?  4:47 p.m.  At that point, my mind was set on coffee, so we were going to make a run for it.

Baby Girl did good, at first.  I wish she could take a note or two from our dog.  He’s fantastic at car rides.  So I pull up at the drive thru at Dunkin and order my wonderful coffee and two chocolate glazed donuts.  One for me, and one for my husband for the morning.  And if he didn’t want it, then there would be two for me!  Fantastic.

So I ordered our stuff (no cries), and then pulled around to the window.  The lady saw the dog and gave me a cookie for him, which he was stoked about.  She must have missed the baby carrier, because maybe then she would have handed me a flask.  As we drove away from Dunkin Donuts, baby girl erupted with tears.  Ah yes, we had only been in the car for five tiny minutes, and that was enough for her to lose her shit.  I was contemplating driving around a bit more after we got our goodies, but her tone got louder and more ear piercing, so home we went.  Once I put the carrier down in the dining room table, she shut up.  WHAT THE FUCK.  I left her there for about 20 minutes as she slept, and then she woke up.  She must have forgotten that she was strapped in, because she was PISSED!  The mother of all screams came forth, so I took her out.  My fear is that if I go on a road trip with her, she will fall asleep in the car and then wake up forgetting what the hell is going on and let out that raging scream.

Excuse me, she just crapped her diaper while sitting in my lap.  That’s how loud she is when she poops and/ or farts.  Like a 40 year old man!  She’ll thank me for this post later.

Okay, 30 minutes later…(she went through two extra diapers..I think I’m so smooth to throw a new diaper under her butt once I wipe her off AND swipe out the old one at the same time…and then she pees on the new one AND her outfit…so I wipe her and give her another new one…she poops some more on that one….)   Then she’s hungry.  So I nursed her.  It literally felt like she was ripping off my nipple at the end of the 20 minutes.  And all the lactation consultants say, “you’re doing it wrong if it hurts”  – I call bullshit!

Glucose Test FAIL.

I figured I would be better off typing this out while everything is still fresh in my mind.

First off, today started out good.  I woke up right at my alarm, at 6 a.m. which reminds me how I could never work another job requiring me to wake up before the sun rises…but in this case, I was ready to go.  My appointment was scheduled for 7 a.m.   I showered, got dressed, and took my anti-nausea medicine with some water, per my doctor’s instructions.  I was also told to fast for 10 hours before the test.  Not easy for me since I eat little things ALL THE TIME.  But, I managed.

Driving along…driving along…I told Mike he didn’t need to go with me to this test.  I brought some work-related items with me to go through while I waited.  No traffic, good music, good moods, sun was out, snow was melting.  Created a Nick Drake station on Pandora.  Good vibes.

Got to the diagnostic center right before 7.  Signed in with the registration lady and waited a few minutes before Lynn, the nicest phlebotomist ever, came to bring me to the lab.

For those of you who don’t know, you are pretty much required to have a glucose screening test done towards the end of your second trimester.  This tests you for gestational diabetes.  Gestational diabetes is a high blood sugar condition that some women are unlucky enough to develop during their pregnancy.  Since it doesn’t really produce any symptoms, this lovely test is the only sure-fire way to find out if you have it.  Here is the dumb part:  A positive result doesn’t necessarily mean that you have gestational diabetes.  It just means that more testing and pricking is required (i.e. glucose tolerance test).  Stupid pricks.

So Lynn brings me to the lab, and sets a small bottle in front of me explaining that I need to drink it in less than 5 minutes.  The first bottle she gave me was frozen solid, so I was pleased, until she noticed it too and went to get me another one.  She said not to listen to all of those horror stories I was told by my friends about how gross it tastes, blah blah.  She said they switched the flavor to lemon-lime, and now far less women actually get sick from it.

I start drinking, and was pleasantly surprised.  Now, by no means would I ever choose to drink this, but it wasn’t as bad as I had pictured the taste to be.  I still held my nose like a little kid and drank it all down.  I was quite pleased with myself, because I didn’t even feel the least bit nauseous!  Lynn gave me a sheet of paper, outlining that I would need to walk back to the lab at 8:10 a.m.   She told me to read the list she gave me.  This basically included “Do not leave the facility/ waiting room”…”You may use the restroom”…and “If you start to feel light-headed or queasy, tell the front desk immediately”

So I head back to the waiting room and take out my work items to sort through.  It was merely alphabetizing some inspection forms, but busy work that needed to get done.  In the background, Nancy Grace was playing.  I realize how much I actually hate her while being forced to listen to her shenanigans.  About 30 minutes pass, and I’m starting to lose focus.  I figure, this is understandable since I have nothing in my stomach but this ultra-sugar water.  It gets so bad that I have to put my work documents away.  I just sat and focused on assclown Nancy Grace, and kept looking around the room.

At this point, I was starting to feel queasy and quite light-headed.  I got up, and noticed the only two registration clerks were helping two people check in.  I didn’t want to be rude, so I waited.  Then I promptly changed my mind because things were starting to spiral out of control.  I got the one woman’s attention who check me in, and told her I was feeling queasy and quite weak.  She told me to go ahead and walk back to the lab to see Lynn.  I grabbed my stuff and made my way back to the lab.  I don’t even remember the walk.  When I saw Lynn, she assumed the hour had gone by and it was ready for my blood to be drawn.  When she looked up at me from her laptop screen, she must have known something was wrong and grabbed my arm and guided me to a chair in the back.  I guess I was trying to tell her I was weak and dizzy, but I wasn’t making any sense.  She told me I was whiter than my coat (no pale jokes!)

As she brought me to the chair and reclined me back, she told me that the paper said I shouldn’t have walked back to her, but should have gotten a receptionist.  I quickly told her that I did, and she instructed me to walk back.  Big mistake, I guess!

I started sweating profusely through my shirt (gross), and everything I could hear was garbled and muffled.  The room was spinning.  Then I felt like I was going to vomit.  I asked her if she had a trash can.  She said, “you better try to hold it for 20 more minutes, or we’ll have to do this all over again!”  She got me an ice pack and put it behind my neck, turned up the fans in my room, and turned off the lights.  I focused so hard on not puking.  I still can’t believe that I was able to hold it.  She guided me in a relaxation exercise which very slowly started to work.  I could feel my body relaxing, and my head stopped spinning, and I was much more peaceful.  A few nurses checked on me randomly.

In the background at one point, I heard Lynn call up to the front office saying, “We’ve told you guys before, you cannot send patients back here if they tell you they are feeling weak or light-headed, you have to call us to come get them.  This girl nearly passed out before she even got to the lab.  I barely got her to a chair.  What is wrong with you?!”

Lynn came back and checked on me shortly after that.  She told me the reason I should have never been allowed to walk back by myself was because I definitely could have fainted in the hallway without anyone ever knowing, and who knows how long I would have laid there for.  She also said if that had happened (which we were moments away from), they would have had to bring me to the ER because I’m pregnant.  And it’s never good if you fall while pregnant, obviously.  So that was scary to even think about.

Shortly after, Lynn took my blood.  I surprisingly didn’t care at all about that.  I usually get so amped up and nervous when I have to give blood.  At that point, I don’t think I cared what was going on.  She got me some cheese and crackers after that, and proceeded to ask if I wanted the good news or the bad news first.

UGH.  I had indeed failed the glucose test, after all of that drama.  Fuck.  All for nothing.  And now I would have to schedule the 3-hour glucose tolerance test at another date/ time.  These are all things I should have heard at my next doctor’s appointment, but Lynn was nice enough to tell me ahead of time because I guess there is a special office I can go to with reclining seats and TV stations.  She said to specifically tell them that I did not do well with this test and nearly passed out, so I need to be somewhere with an easily accessible bed/ recliner in the event that it happens again.

The only nice thing about the 3-hour test is that the sugar amount is only half what was in the drink I had today.  It’s a fruit punch that they give you, and then they prick your finger 4 times in the three hours following consumption.  She seems to think I will pass with flying colors.  My doctor also thought I would pass this one without a problem, so now I’m just annoyed.  Diabetes does not run in my family, or Mike’s for that matter.  So I don’t get it.

So that’s my glucose failure story.  It was really the scariest feeling ever.  I’m not happy about it.  I told Mike about it on my drive home and he said, “That sounds about right.”  I swear he thinks I’m being dramatic.  I should have made him come with me!

Now I’m going to try to nap for the next few hours and forget that this day happened.  I can’t wait to tell baby girl about all the problems her mama encountered along the way.  She will probably still end up being a daddy’s girl and hating me 🙂