Feeling Defeated.

Today, I just want to write about how defeated I am feeling.  I don’t feel this way all the time, but this morning was the absolute worst.  I know I said I would post about breastfeeding and baby shower gifts, but I’m not feeling it today.

I think that feeling defeated is sometimes part of being a parent.  You have your ups and downs, and just like life, it’s sometimes easier to remember the rough times than the happy ones.

This morning, I knew my husband was going to need to leave early for work (before Kenzie and I woke up, for sure).  This meant I would have no help in the morning, which is fine.  Mike helps a great deal when he is home in the morning during the time I try to get myself and baby girl ready for the day.  It allows me the time for a quick shower and to get dressed while he finished his breakfast with baby girl.

She went to sleep around 11:30 last night.  Yep, you read that right.  I’m so tired of reading about or hearing that kids exist who sleep for 12 hours at a time, no problem.  Screw those kids.  THEY SUCK.

Luckily, she slept all the way through to 6:45…the time that Mike left and the time that I was about the jump in the shower.  WRONG.  So I nursed her since she was crying like a crazy (if she seems happy in the morning, I don’t nurse her, we just go straight down to greet the dog and eat some waffles).  So we went downstairs, she started whining, but then we walked outside to let the dog out (she loves the dog and outside, so win-win), and then went back inside to warm up her waffle.

She was pretty happy until I told her I needed to shower super fast, and that she was going to hang in her pack & play for a few minutes.  You would have thought I was depriving her of food the way that she flailed her little body about, tears streaming down her face, standing up in the pack & play.  So like an idiot, I picked her up and brought her upstairs.  I thought she would be happier in her crib with some toys.  WRONG.  She sits down immediately, and then throws her head back into the wooden side of the crib, and continues to cry even more.  OMG.  At this point, I just sweetly told her, “Baby girl, mama has to shower really quickly – I won’t even shave my legs…I’ll be out in two minutes” and she continued to cry the entire time.  I felt like the worst possible mom.

She better be cutting like 4 teeth with her crabby patty attitude and massive drooling these past few days.  I blame so much on teething.  Motrin can only do so much.

Bottom line, I ran out of the shower as soon as I was decently clean to grab baby girl and calm her down, and am a hot mess today.  I think she just wanted me, and I think she missed my husband being home in the morning when she wakes up.  Makes me more thankful for the help that he gives when he can.  I looked in the mirror today at work and actually thought, “Eh, could be worse”….WTF?

A good end to the story though – I visited Kenzie on my lunch, and she was happy as can be.  Running around with her toys, wanting me to read her books, etc.  So maybe she just needed a nap.   Tomorrow will be better.

 

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